User:Michaeldsuarez/The Zeroes Guild

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	A Random, Infinite Monkey Fanfic The following passage is a Fanfiction by the UESP user Michaeldsuarez; therefore, it isn't and shouldn't be considered a part of Elder Scrolls canon.

Note: The following is a joke, so it shouldn’t be taken seriously. However, feel free to lol. This passage contains references to Fight Club, The Warriors, World of Warcraft, Fable, and the Elder Scrolls games.

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The Zeroes Guild is having their first meeting at Dive Rock. Suddenly, a nameless Khajiit man speaks to the Guild’s new recruits.

“I’m Grandmaster No’Name. All of you have been rejected from one guild or another, but now it’s going to be different. This is a guild for zeroes. Nobody here will be rejected. Can do dig it? ”

“Yeah!” screams the crowd.

“However, like all other guild, this guild is going to have thjizzrini, and everyone will have to follow them. Can you diiiggg it? ”

“Yeah!”

“Thjizzrini One: You don’t talk about the Zeroes Guild.”

“Thjizzrini Two: You don’t talk about the Zeroes Guild.”

“Thjizzrini Three: We’re 1337! Always! ”

“Oh yes, I can dig that!” screams a n00b-ish Bosmer near the edge of the cliff. “I’m a big fan of the Guild!”

No’Name walks up the Bosmer and kicks him off the cliff. No’Name then shouts out, “Thjizzrini Four: No Adoring Fans – EVVEEERRR!!! ”

“Thjizzrini Five: We get all the girls.”

“Thjizzrini Six: When you’re in battle with a 32.33–repeating, of course–chance of victory, charge and scream out ‘LEEEEEERRRRROOOOOY JEEEEEEEEENNNNKKIIINS!!!’ ”

“Thjizzrini Seven: Always carry around a bar of soap.”

“Soap? Why?” asks one of the new recruits.

“So you won’t be as sweaty as the people in the Fighters Guild, of course. Who knows? Maybe someone will find a good use for it.”

No’Name walks to the middle of the group and then says, “Okay, that’s enough questions. You’re all dismissed. Our next meeting will be at—” (It seems like someone smudged out the rest of the passage with Fishy Sticks).

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Editor’s Note: There is some debate to whether this document is supposed to be a joke or not. However, there is little debate over its purpose. It obviously pokes fun at the Fighters Guild, the Mages Guild, and various other Imperial-chartered guilds which are hard for the average Human or Mer to enter.

Although various groups of people claim to be the “Zeroes Guild,” it should be noted that these groups arose after this book became well known. Most scholars believe that the Zeroes Guild does not exist. The “Zeroes Guild” is probably named so for rhyming with “Heroes Guild,” which supports the theory that this book is just a joke.

It is likely that the Blackwook Company issued this book in order to poke fun at the Fighters Guild, especially since the Blackwook Company accepts almost anyone into their guild, However, due to the recent destruction of the Blackwood Company and the death of its leaders, it is likely that we’ll never know for sure.

It is also possible that the Renrijra Krin mke this book. Anybody familiar with the Ahzirr Traajijazeri would recognize the word “Thjizzrini,” which means “rules” or “foolish concepts” in the native Khajiit language. Like the Ahzirr Traajijazeri, this book, too, is silly. However, this book does not express any of the Renrijra Krin ideas present in the Ahzirr Traajijazeri. The true purpose of this book may remain shrouded in mystery for a long time.